Friday, December 14, 2007

Cool Calm and Collected- Denial maybe?

So.... we are 6 days away from our due date (mind you, due dates should not exist- not even "estimated due dates"- it gives people too much of an expectation...). I am still very VERY calm. I feel normal (maybe a little achy, like I over-did a yoga workout). From my point of view (literally, my visual point of view) The only thing that reminds me I am pregnant are the odd movements I can see in my tummy, the fact that I can't see my feet without bending forward slightly, and the fact that my ankles are slightly swollen. If I were to sit down and over analyze these three things (like a Pisces typically does) I could say that I am not really pregnant- my ankles are swollen because I need to drink more water, I can't see my feet without tilting forward because I over-indulged in spicy Mexican food and holiday cookies, and the odd movements in my belly? Um, nerve twitches- maybe like an extremely large version of the fricking 'eye twitch'- you know, the one that you can see because it is your eyelid, but everyone else swears that they don't notice it... Honestly, it isn't until I see my side reflection in a window or mirror that I find myself saying "holy shit, I really AM pregnant".

I can't figure out if I don't feel pregnant because...
I am not nearly as uncomfortable as many 39week + women portray themselves to be,
or if I don't feel pregnant because...
I am still in disbelief that the 8th IUI after 7 failed cycles actually worked,
or if I don't feel pregnant because...
I went to my "work Holiday party" and looked hott and bosom-rific in my black dress,
or if I don't feel pregnant because...
I went in and worked Tuesday night because I wanted something to do
or if I don't feel pregnant because...
I don't have insane heartburn
or if I don't feel pregnant because...
I don't have hemorrhoids
or if I don't feel pregnant because...
I am not really waddling
or if I don't feel pregnant because...
I am not scared AT ALL about the birth of the baby (yet anyway)
or if I don't feel pregnant because...
I have grown accustomed to seeing the bulky baby items floating around the house...
I think I could go on and on and on at this point.

I feel as though I am walking around in a daze. I have not allowed myself to really even think about the potential pain that will be involved with a med-free birth. I guess that that is a really good thing, and although I don't need to "figure anything out" I am "trying to figure out" if I am really that clueless as to what awaits me, or if I have just managed to adopt a very ZEN feeling about the whole thing. I would like to think that I am being uber-zen, but I am not going to put myself on that pedestal (until at least, I deserve to...)

Mindi is super cute. As I mentioned before, she is soooo excited to meet the baby. "I can't wait to meet you baby!" usually follows every other sentence out of her mouth and I love her for it. It is when she asks me if I am ready to "push that kid out" that I find myself wondering for a split second- "what the hell is she talking about?" until I realize (once again) "oh yeh- I am pregnant"! Man, I feel so "in a fog" about it... It is not until Mindi starts talking about the actual labor that I find myself thinking about what is to come. The actual physical aspect of birth is something that I have managed to NOT over-evaluate (as is that Pisces way...) Of course, then I start writing a long-winded blog about it and... amazingly, I am still not really thinking about it. Weird. Maybe I am just super-zen woman.

Wow, if you have read this far- you either have tons of patience or tons of free time. Either way, thanks for letting me blah blah blah. Maybe I will get around to a 39week picture today...

3 comments:

  1. A little patience and heaps of free time this Friday afternoon!

    I love how you're so zen! That "zen-ness" will come in handy during labour, especially if your plan is to do it medication-free. I have always been so curious about that....and really look forward to hearing about it post-baby! Are you 100% sure you're doing it au natural? NO epidural or anything??

    And how lucky that you DON'T have all that bad stuff that usually goes along with pregnancy!

    6 days! I hope the experience is wonderful for you and Mindi, and that everything goes super smoothly.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I felt that way, too! I had heartburn but was not otherwise uncomfortable and I just felt like pregnant was normal. I was so ready to go the long haul and so convinced I would. Imagine my surprise...

    I can't wait until you have your big news!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I only hope and pray that when my time comes to have a baby, I will be in such the Zen state that you are in. Best of luck and can't wait to hear all about the delivery!!

    ReplyDelete

You know I love to hear from you- thanks for leaving a comment!

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin